Is There Room for More than Two in Love?

Ladies, ever walked into a building behind a couple where the man opened the door for the woman he was with but let it slam in your face? Guys, ever have a "friend who is a girl" who became cold and indifferent to you after finding a boyfriend or husband? Or what about the couple who get jealous anytime their significant other is kind or generous to someone else of the opposite sex?

Here are some thoughts inspired by a quote from my hero, John Paul II:"We must also take into account that the subject of sexual morality in its totality is wider than marital ethics alone ... it embraces a large number of questions in the area of the relationship between ... man and woman. Within the framework of this relationship, or co-existence, everyone must always, with all possible conscientiousness and with a feeling of total responsibility, make his concern that basic good for each of us and for all of us together, which is ... the assertion of the value of the human person."

Here's what I get out of this passage: Just as the love between a man and a woman naturally reaches beyond the two to another, or others (most obvious example is children), so too does the morality that governs it. This morality demands respect and love for every human person the couple encounters. Furthermore, the respect and love due to each human person is not "gender-blind." It always originates in the heart of a particular person, who is either male or female, and is directed toward a particular person, who is, once again, male or female. So this love for each and every person whose demand is bound up in the love of husband and wife, always exists in a masculine or feminine way. Furthermore, this is not a threat to the love of the spouse, but an expression of it.

Here's an example of what I mean. A good friend of mine got married last summer. At her reception, some of her girlfriends were hanging out on the lawn chatting. Her new husband came over to us and took a tally of what drinks were needed. Despite our protests, he returned a few minutes later with our refreshments. He wasn't being a scumbag who was paying more attention to his wife's pretty friends than his wife, but his love for her naturally expressed itself in his love and respect for all women. He was serving us, because, first and foremost, he had committed himself to serving his wife.

And so it should be with all married couples. Especially in an age where contraception and other societal practices and pressures keeps marital love closed in upon itself (a huge contributer to our out-of-control divorce rate), we as Christians need to live out what God intended the love between a man and woman to be. I think in a huge way that God wants to use this love to literally transform society, and this is why it is so fiercely attacked. So a call to all you who are married, or find yourself in love, or just know that your vocaton is to marriage: let God move in your heart to guide the love you have for your spouse (existing or future) to embrace the whole world, one person at a time.